you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
