My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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