I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Randomize
