I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
