My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
