We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
