were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
