Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
