Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
