rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
