my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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