so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
