Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
