BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
