the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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