there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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