It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
