So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
