Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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