drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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