like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
