I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
