No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
