What did we do last night that was yellow?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
