What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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