If that was your dad, he is hot
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
