you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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