When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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