i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
