week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
