What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
