We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
