Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
