organizing the empties. That sober.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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