You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i think i just lost a toe
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
