Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
