i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
