Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
it glows. i had to have it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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