Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
