fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you had me at cake vodka
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
