forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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