I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Pants are for mortals
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
