u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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