I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
