I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
