just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
