Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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