I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
