I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
