u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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