Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
