He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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