I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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