I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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